Thursday November 5, 2009
Relationships: "My Stuff, Your Stuff "

Relationships, like everything on this earth, are made up of energy. When we begin a relationship, we are two whole, separate people. Over time, we begin to share energy with one another.

Sharing energy is when we store some of our energy with our partner and they store some of their energy with us. Eventually, we may even begin to look like our partner. You probably know couples like this. Perhaps they’ve begun to dress alike or laugh alike or use some common phrases and mannerisms. In small doses this can be cute. However, let’s face it, in large doses these couples can be rather annoying, especially if you’re on the outside looking in.

I’ve noticed it’s hard to make boundaries with your partner if you don’t know who you are. And, how can you know who you are if your energy is so entangled with your significant other that you’re not sure where you end and they begin?

The real issue here is “Energetic Entanglement”. This type of entanglement can truly destroy a relationship. It’s a subtle, invisible energy that, at first, can seem innocent and even, well, cute. I think it’s important to note here that this is not exclusive to romantic relationships. In fact, I’ve seen many close friends and family members become so enmeshed in one another’s space that the relationships delve quickly into co-dependency.

So, how do you know when you are Energetically Entangled with your partner, friend or family member?

Answer these questions as honestly as you can. Remember, no one is grading or judging you.

* Do you have conversations in your head with your partner or friend when they are gone?

* Do you feel separation anxiety from this person on a regular basis?

* Do people frequently say how much you look or “seem” alike?

* When is the last time you thought of yourself before you thought of them?

If you answered yes any of these questions, chances are good that it’s time to separate your energy with this person.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that many people are concerned that by doing this they will “push” the other person away. This is a concern that usually comes from someone in a new relationship. Things are going well and they don’t want to “jinx” anything or make the person feel they are not wanted.

However, separating your energy with your partner will actually increase your attraction for one another. It will allow you time to miss the other person and it will allow them time and space to miss you.

How can you miss, appreciate or desire each other if your energy is so entangled with one another that you don’t know where you end and they begin?

Think of it this way, when you first met one another, you were two whole, separate beings. You were attracted to one another’s uniqueness, your individuality. Then, over time, you both began to store energy in one another’s space. It’s kind of like using your roommates closet to put your excess clothes in. When we store our energy with someone else, we are no longer able to operate as that unique, whole individual we once were. And, when the other person accepts our energy, they are no longer whole either. Now both people are operating at half their power.

I work with a lot of couples and many of them say the “spark” has gone out of their relationship and they don’t know where their passion went. I’ve experienced this as well and it’s a terrible feeling that leaves you scratching your head and wondering, “is it me?”

The stories are all the same. The couple starts out ablaze with passion for one another. Then, over time, the passion begins to fizzle. They spend less and less intimate time together and more and more time going about the tasks of their daily lives. They no longer feel the passion for one another they used to feel. Usually one person in the relationship is a bit more bothered by this dynamic than the other. However, both people agree on one immutable fact: the sizzle is gone and their desire for one another is waning. They are left with one question; is this the beginning of the end?

The answer is, it doesn’t have to be the end. Know that if you are newly in love, in a relationship that’s lost some, or all of it’s spark, or if you’re struggling with a friend or family member, the technique of separating your energy will work to bring your relationship back to right balance.

Relationships are living organisms. Like plants, they need the proper care, attention and conditions to thrive. Imagine spending the same amount of time on the “energetic wholeness” of your relationship as you do on worrying about your relationship. The goal here is to bring yourself back to being a whole person and allow your partner to be whole as well. Enjoy the renewed interest this technique brings to both you and your loved one.

May all beings benefit!

Monday July 06, 2009
Creating Prosperity

How many times have you thought, “If I could only manifest more money, my life would be better”?
 
Do you feel stuck in your present circumstances and daydream about how your life could be different?
 
Perhaps you feel if you could only manifest the right partner or job, life would be great.
 
O.K., get out a piece of paper and answer these questions before you read any further.  Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, and you’re not being graded.  Just be honest with yourself.
 
*  Why do you want to be prosperous?
*  What would you do with all that money?
*  How can the world benefit from you manifesting the perfect relationship or job?
*  What is your motivation?
 
What I’ve noticed is that prosperity is simple.  It’s Our Motivation that can complicate things.  Money is energy and the energy of prosperity is infinite.  We tend to think of prosperity as finite but that is simply not true.  Prosperity doesn’t run out!  It’s not for some and not others it’s for everyone.  There is an unlimited source of prosperity in the universe and it’s available to all beings.  We just have to get into alignment with it and with ourselves at the same time.  You may have heard it called “prosperity consciousness”.  Well, we have to become conscious before we can become prosperous.
 
There are 3 main steps to creating prosperity:
 
STAY PRESENT
APPRECIATE THE MOMENT
KNOW YOUR MOTIVATION
 
Sometimes, in the beginning, it can be a little easier said than done.

Here are some exercises for you:

Let’s begin with staying present.  You may have heard of the “Prosperity of Now”.  It’s simply that.  Each moment of each day is filled with potential.  Anything can happen and everything can shift in any given moment.  STAYING PRESENT simply means not drifting off, not daydreaming, not wishing your life away.  Stay with what is happening.  If you are worried about money and feel there’s simply not enough of it right now, redirect your thoughts and focus intently on this moment.
 
For example, if you are unloading groceries and your thoughts turn to your present financial woes, begin to redirect them by naming 10 things you see in front of you, happening around you, that you admire. This is where we bring in APPRECIATION.  You can name anything.  You may say, “I really admire that tree in our yard.”  Now you may hear a voice that counters with, “Well it’s not going to be your yard much longer if you don’t get more money and keep on top of all these bills!”  That’s O.K., just ignore this voice of doom and gloom and keep with the exercise.
 
Continue by stating something else you admire and appreciate about your surroundings.  Perhaps you see a funny cat across the street or notice how beautiful the light is in that particular moment.  You may say, “Wow, the light this time of day is so beautiful, I’m so grateful I noticed it.”   Don’t forget to make each thing you notice into a statement.  “I really appreciate my arms and how strong they are to carry in all these bags!” This will help to structure your mind and give it a task.  If, after 10 things you are still feeling like “the president of the legion of doom”, name 10 more things. This exercise is designed to keep you in the moment and to work with your mind.  It is simple and powerful.
 
Next, KNOW YOUR MOTIVATION.  We began earlier with you answering some questions about why you’d like to be more prosperous.  Keep a prosperity journal where you really write down your feelings on prosperity and get to know WHY you want what you want.  Be diligent with yourself here.  Don’t stop with, “I want more money to buy myself a riding lawnmower.”  Continue the statement with an answer to how the world might benefit from you having this riding lawnmower.  For instance, you might say, “With my new riding lawnmower, I’ll enjoy cutting the grass more and will be happier each time I choose to use it. And this happiness will spread to my family and friends so that everyone in my circle benefits from me having this new mower!” 
 
The universe wants to support energy that supports the universe.  So, how can you achieving your dreams and desires support the universe and the world around you?  Write it down and say it daily.  Allow your intentions to ultimately benefit all beings.  Use this 3-step process to begin a dialogue with yourself around prosperity.
 
Check out my “Workshops” page for a new teaching on prosperity along with some great guided meditations, which will help set your energy for prosperity everyday. Enjoy! 
 

Wednesday, April 29, 2009
What are the messages we tell ourselves?

How much positive input are you receiving from yourself at any given moment?

How much negative input are you receiving from yourself at any given moment?

How can you pay better attention to what you are actually telling yourself?

Where does your stress and anxiety actually come from?

What would your life look life if you were completely happy?

It begins with either being present or not being present. Our inner messages are like tapes that, in some cases, have been playing in our heads for decades. Sometimes we’re born with these tapes and the information on them is accumulated from our Karmic stream. A Karmic tape may tell us that we will always struggle and never reach true happiness. Other tapes form from our family of origin. These tapes may tell us that money is scarce and hard to come by because that’s what our parents believed. And still other tapes may arise in our life from current circumstances. These tapes tend to collect data and regurgitate it back to us, often in the form of a warning. They may say something like, “Don’t get too attached to this person, you know that people always leave us, we always end up alone.”

With tapes like these playing quietly in the background, it’s no wonder so many of us choose to not be present. You know what I mean by not being present. It’s when someone is talking to you and you’re looking at them and nodding and agreeing and even giving a few encouraging words of feedback, all the while you’re thinking about something else. Some of us actually defend this behavior by calling it multitasking. Actually we’re just preoccupied and “caught up” in a cycle of never ending, negative data being spit out by our minds in one constant stream.

There are a great many meditations written on how to “tame the mind”. And, really the first step is to first recognize that your mind is, in fact, running amuck. Next, it’s important to realize when you’re present and when you’re not. The next step is to do something about all these negative, disruptive tapes.

Once you’ve caught yourself in a negative thought, stop what you’re doing, take a deep breath, and commit to giving yourself a moment of time. Just a moment. In this moment, change the tape. Allow your mind to reword what you said in a positive way.

For instance, you may have just noticed that you said to yourself that work is scarce and money is hard to come by right now. So, stop, breath and give yourself a moment to restate this. You may say instead, “I have all the work I need in present time and money comes easily and frequently to me.” Or, you may have caught yourself saying that you never find true love or that the partners you pick never “show up”.

So, change this tape to say something like, “I always find true love, whether it’s within my own heart or whether this love is mirrored back to me by my equal partner.” You may have to work with the inner critic that wants to point out to you that these statements haven’t actually happened yet. But really, who cares? If you don’t start updating your tapes, these changes will never occur. Time and energy is a funny thing. If you change your tapes, your energy will shift and so will your reality. Energy follows your intention.

Picture yourself happy right now. Truly happy and write down what you see. Be creative here. Spare no expense on your happiness. Now begin to create some tapes that support this picture. Begin by saying, “I’m so grateful now that …” You may want to set aside a time each day to do a gratitude journal or some time each day to make some affirmations. I like to make my affirmations of gratitude when I’m working out. I find myself saying things like, “I’m so grateful to be alive and healthy. I’m so grateful for my partner and for our love that grows stronger and more connected each day. I’m so grateful for my clients that allow me to offer them my gifts of energy work and healing and, in return, offer back to me financially so that I may continue to do my work in the world.” This helps me to pass the time and to feel more positive and hopeful about the rest of my day. It kind of “resets” my energy and my mind to be in harmony with all that I’m grateful for in my life. So, begin rewording your old tapes, replacing them with your present time affirmations of gratitude, what have you actually got to lose?

Friday, March 6, 2009
Creating Loving Connections

I was talking with some friends recently about how difficult it can be to maintain positive emotions and feelings when your partner or someone you love is unhappy. It’s so easy to get pulled into their pain and inner conflict. It can be truly difficult to maintain a balanced emotional state when those around us are hurting. A friend of mine recently told me how her partner was suffering from anxiety and depression due to an unhappy work environment. “He’s grumpy and miserable all the time, she said I just don’t know how much more of this I can take!” She felt that his depression was slowly seeping into her and she was becoming less bright and more and more hopeless by the day.

I’ve noticed during situations like this one, it’s easier to focus on the other person and on “fixing” them than us. I’ve done this many times with my partner. It’s so much easier to work outside of us than to work inside with our own attachments. It’s about owning our part in the situation. Sometimes we seek to end our suffering by working outwardly on another, getting them to change, stopping their suffering becomes our goal. The other person becomes a “project” and we have to fix them in order to feel comfortable again. I’ve gone thru this with my relationship with my mother for years. I realized one day that watching her suffer so much with her problems was causing me discomfort and for this reason, I wanted her to change.

What I’ve come to is this: The biggest gift you can give another person is to allow them to have what’s theirs, even if it means allowing them to suffer. It is not our job to take this away from them. It would be like doing a child’s homework for them on a consistent basis. Eventually the child would be ill-equipped to work on their own and unable to continue without your help. This creates an imbalanced relationship and opens the door for feelings of resentment and lack of appreciation.

So, you might be thinking O.K. I let them have their suffering and then what? I just let them sit in it and say sorry about the day you’re having, I’m going shopping? No, there’s more you can do. You can try what I call “holding space” for them. You can imagine them finding a way through their suffering, dilemma, depression or anxiety. You can imagine what they would look like if they were free from their problem. You can tell them you see they are suffering and you love them anyway. Tell them they are great and you’re here to cheer them on. Support them in their process without taking their process away from them.

This will allow them to feel empowered and supported all at the same time. The power of visualization is tremendous. The first rule of energy I ever learned was this: Energy follows your intention. If you intend for something to occur, it will. The popular book and movie “The Secret” speaks of the law of attraction. What they are saying is that you attract what you believe. Your energy follows your beliefs: Your energy follows your intentions. Intend for your loved ones to be free from whatever they are suffering with and support them in making this transition. Then sit back and watch it all unfold!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Set your intentions for the New Year

It occurs to me that the theme for this year thus far seems to be change. We are only a few weeks into the New Year and we’ve seen incredible shifts in our political climate as well as ongoing economic changes. The astrologers have been writing about unprecedented planetary shifts as well. Quite a few of my clients are going thru changes in their long-standing relationships. Some of these changes involve break-ups with significant others, while other relationship changes include ending jobs, looking for new work or starting in a new position. Some people, like myself, have moved from one city or town to another changing their relationship to their community. So, with all this change afoot, how do we keep up energetically? How can we stay balanced and grounded with the preverbal rug shifting under our feet? How can we feel safe with so much in flux?

Consider staying as “present” as possible, recognizing that only by being present can we be available to receive all the prosperity the universe is offering to us. Think of it like the universe is sending you what you are asking for on a big U.P.S. truck. If you’re not home to sign for the package, you won’t receive it. Being home means being in the moment. You may think, “O.K. good theory but how do I stay present, in the moment?”

The best way that I have found to stay present, in the moment is to focus on your grounding cord. Your grounding cord is an actual line of energy that goes from the base of your spine into earth. This line of energy can look like anything you visualize first that you like. So, why not have fun with it? Make your grounding cord something beautiful, like a waterfall, a column of light or a big, sturdy tree. As you follow this visual of your grounding cord down into the earth, begin to notice how your body feels. Are you feeling more stable, balanced, at peace and centered? Your grounding cord is a wonderful tool with which to stay present and available in your life. It’s a way to keep you “in the moment”.

A lot has been written about the power of being present. Allow your grounding cord to keep you present and balanced this year and set your intentions for your life each morning as you “check in” with your connection to the earth.

May All Beings Benefit!
Angie Arkin